October 11, 2012
National Coming Out Day!
It’s National Coming Out Day! In that spirit, I want to say a few things. Some of which, I’m sure you all know, and some of which you might not. Take a deep breath, and let’s go!
Coming Out Day Logo
My name is Quinn, I’m engaged to the most lovely woman in the entire world, I’m a role-play geek, I’m a writer, I’m politically active and moderate, I’m Episcopalian, I love mysteries and historical fictions, I’m an absolute historical nerd, and above all, I’m one lucky sod. I’ve been told by many people that I’m one of the most matter-of-fact people when it comes to myself they’ve ever met. I have a secret, though, and because I love all of you, I’ll share it.
Ready? My parents don’t know about my fiancée, and I don’t know if they ever will. Now, before anyone says anything, let me finish. I love my parents. My father is one of the best people I know. He is the most loving, least hypocritical person that I’ve ever met in my life. If I could be half the person my father is, I’d consider my life a win. However, both my parents are extremely conservatively religious. If they found out about my fiancée, they would possibly shut me out of their lives. I know what you’re thinking now, that if they saw how comfortable and happy I am, that they’d change their minds. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way sometimes. On the other hand, I don’t want to tell them and shut them out of my life. I love my parents. Just like any parents, we disagree on quite large things, but they are at their hearts good people.
I’m not just trying to tell a depressing story here. I have a point, and that is simply that if you want to come out, do it. It is a great feeling when you tell someone what you think is a life-changing secret and then can share it with them. Be yourself, no matter who that is. Sometimes, I feel almost petrified to tell many of my friends that I’m a Christian and go to church regularly. I’ve had quite a few people both not understand and be rude and mean about that. It is a part of me, a part that I don’t want to give up. At the end of the day, even though we’re all here for you, any choice to come out is your own decision. If you’re bothered that much about it, don’t. If you do want to, however, start small. Find a close friend who made an equality post on Facebook, find someone in a class with a rainbow on their backpack and talk to them. Blast, talk to me if you can’t find someone else to talk to. I mean it. Mama Quinn always has an ear for anyone.
Above all, I want to celebrate the diversity of the HPA as an organization and the world at large. If you’re coming out today, I’ve got your back. We’ve all got your back. If you don’t, well, I’ve got your back too, with a huge internet hug. Really.
Colette
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Nicely stated!
Alessandra
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Thank you for this post! it’s fabulous
I’m bisexual, and I came out to someone new yesterday!
Thank you for your support *internet hugs*
Quinn Kess
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Yay! I’m proud of you.
I’m glad it went well. *lots of hugs*
Thraen
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Out of curiosity, because you mentioned being Episcopalian, is your diocese/parish using or planning to use the recently-approved same-sex ceremony liturgies? I’m in the Diocese of Los Angeles, so it’s not even vaguely new to me—my parish did our first same-sex blessing over 20 years ago—but I’m curious as to how other parishes and dioceses are “evolving” on marriage.
Also: I just read Gene Robinson’s book (“God Believes in Love”), and if you do ever decide to tell your parents, I think he does a relatively decent job of reaching out to more conservative folks so it mught be something to lovingly ask they read (with an open mind/heart). Either way, sending positive everything your way!
Quinn Kess
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We probably will, actually, although I haven’t seen it yet. A lovely couple of gay men are going to be married by my church in a couple weeks, and I’m pretty sure that’s been planned since before the General Convention. I haven’t set a date yet, but my fiancee and I are going to be married there eventually. Oddly, the only thing that would keep us from using it is that CT actually allows gay marriage. I would think that the blessing liturgy would be something that could be used for an actual marriage if the state allowed it.
And I absolutely love Gene Robinson. I’ve looked up to him and his strength of faith for ages. Interestingly, I found out the other day that he has a twitter! Ha! Thanks for the internet positives. I don’t know if my mother’ll ever accept it, but maybe if I show my dad that God doesn’t hate it, I’d be at least somewhat ok.